What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 08:37
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I think the readers, may guess!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
What are some creepy bestiality-promoting questions obviously asked for sexual gratification?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He knew the spot.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
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As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Why are you a Muslim? Why is it Islam for you and not something else?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
So, i spoilt her more .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Ive learnt so much.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
How do I cope with the fact that I will never have a girlfriend?
She wouldn,t have been !
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
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Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
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I write beautiful poetry .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
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The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
What can help me fall asleep at night?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
What's the most sordid activity you've ever seen or heard about at a bachelorette party?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But, we were locked up after school.
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She found it foreign!.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
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Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
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Im still living with it.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We all went to grammer schools
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I couldn’t, believe it.
I will be 64.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My family never makes their pension either.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was seconnd youngest,
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I said to her
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
What did i know ?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But it wasn’t much.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Who then, do I blame.?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I have no regrets .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
This is soul school!.
We were not on the streets..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was scared of men, in general
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Comes on , in middle age.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As i do to all so called friends.?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
It was going to be , some day.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was very sick at this time too.
Especially a lifetime of it.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I was 9 years of age.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She married twice! .
One cannot live in the past .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Would this be the day?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
When she asked me how she looked .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Put me off passion for life!!
I don,t even have a pension.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I could never make a relationship work though!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She was in good health!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
All the time i was locked up.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Was to survive, this bastard.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I waited trembling.
My life is so biszare .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She loved him until the end.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And i lived it daily.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
So whats the point in blame.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.